Frantic Emotions
by Transient Tears
Summary: Two promises broken because of incapability. A silent plea of wanting to see her again. An eternity of tranquility. A year full of melancholia. Will he be able to gaze at her face again? Natsume-centric. For Frantic Emotions.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of its characters. Find Higuchi Tachibana and get her autograph or something… better yet, ask her about GA's ending. xD

**Warning: **May be a little bit OOC… or just pure OOCness. And scenes are continually changing from time to time. xD

**Dedicated to: **Frantic Emotions (Yo! Your not-so-secret Santa is here!)

۞

**Frantic Emotions**

_Transient Tears ©_

۞۞

I made two promises.

Both weren't meant to be broken. One was a promise to her, the other to her best friend. If you would look at them closely, they were really just the same. Two promises, one meaning, both broken because of incapability.

I failed as a fiancé, and I failed as her savior.

_I will definitely come and save you._

Those were the words I said to her. Those were the sacred words, the words that I promised. The words I was so sure of fulfilling... until that day.

۞

"Mikan!" I shouted as the ground beneath us shook from a blast.

I ran to her direction, racing against the wind to grab her hand, and silently prayed to make it in time. Her arms stretched forward, her eyes burning with tears, and her saccharine voice calling my name. I reached out, trying to grasp her hand, when the ceiling cracked and collapsed above her.

"Mikan!"

-x-

That night was cold and breezy.

The place was searched from every corner to its much hidden places. But nothing was found. _No one _was found. Not even her body. Nothing.

I searched for her on my own, hoping that I would find her. I swore. I promised. The moon was our witness. She trusted me and I wouldn't break that trust.

"Mikan, where are you?" I asked, wanting to hear her voice answer. "Mikan."

Silence was the one who answered me. Silence was the one who accompanied me in my mission. And silence was the one who engulfed me for a long time.

-xx-

"Natsume!" I turned and saw Ruka running to me. "Stop!"

I didn't listen. I didn't answer. I continued burning everything around me, not caring the toll it's taking on my body. I needed something to vent out my anger, my emotions… my sadness.

"Natsume, please stop," he said again, trying to tug me away. I struggled and screamed. "Mikan won't like what you're doing right now."

I stopped for a moment, recalling our memories of that miraculous Christmas.

The barrier surrounding her location had temporarily broken, allowing me to see her. It was only for a few minutes but I was still glad for those minutes. It was the day I promised her and the day she became my fiancée.

I felt Ruka shaking. I glanced at his face, only to see tears threatening to fall. I looked ahead of me and stared at the roaring fire blankly.

It had been four months since the accident. And no Mikan was still found.

"Let's go, Natsume," he tugged my arm. I didn't argue and let him take me away.

-xx-

"He still refuses to talk?" Imai's voice came from below. "How long has it been since he became like that?"

"Six months," Ruka's voice reached my ear. They were talking about me. "Since Mikan…"

He didn't continue. The memory was strongly etched on our heads. We didn't know if she was dead or not. She suddenly went gone. Like a bubble.

"He's being an idiot," Imai said, sighing. "Every night he would go out and look for her."

"And other times, he would thrash everything around him."

"I'll continue my research, for the meantime, watch out for him. And he didn't really break his promise to me; he just doesn't want to admit it."

I heard the sound of the door clicking, signaling that the two of them went back inside. I closed my eyes and tried falling asleep. I was dreaming. Dreaming of my memories of her.

-x-

"That's it!" she jumped, suddenly grabbing my comic book. "This is perfect! Thanks, Natsume!"

I watched her ran away, waving at me while having that goofy smile on her face. My heart did a little flip and I knew that I was in deep danger.

I picked up my comic book and resumed reading. What did she find in this RPG book?

-x-

I looked up at the construction in front of me. The design was almost the same as the one in fairytales. Aladdin, if I could remember correctly.

"Ah, it's true!" my eyes wandered to the source of the voice. She was there, at the top, jumping down. "Natsume is really here!"

She stopped in front of me. I raised an eyebrow at her clothes. What the hell was she wearing? I voiced my thoughts at her.

"I'm one of the genies here! Would you like to try our game?" she answered, giving me that sweet smile of hers.

"Hmph," I pulled her top, looking at her chest. "Flat as a board."

I secretly smirked when I saw her reaction. A mountain had indeed blown. But that happiness was short lived when that stupid shadow hugged her.

-x-

How the hell did I end up taking this stupid game? Right, it was because of that shadow being touchy-feely. I would make him my slave.

"Oh, it's you," I said, looking at her. "Just give me the damn quiz."

"Get me off this carpet within thirty seconds without touching me and you'll win."

I threw the mechanical cockroach at her. She swiped it away and swung it back and forth saying, "I'm not afraid of roaches."

This could be tough. This girl was a feral child. "Faking ill won't work."

She really was an idiot. Did she know that she just gave me an idea? I leaned at the wall, clutching my chest, and tried to heavily breathe.

"Natsume?" she called my name, worry slipping in her tone. "Natsume!"

She jumped down, rushed to my side… and I put my arm around her shoulder muttering, "Idiot."

She screamed and ran out of the maze. I sighed and followed her.

-xx-

"I won't leave," a voice jerked me to wake up. Someone must be in the rooftop again. "I promise."

"_You wouldn't go somewhere and leave me behind, right? Promise me, Natsume."_

I jumped down from my location, scaring the people who interrupted my sleep. I looked at their way and glared.

"Isn't that Natsume? What was he doing here?"

I walked away from them, but of course, not before I burned the idiot's hair.

-xx-

"You're not planning on looking for her again, are you?" Tono said, getting inside the room. "The HSP and Shiki are trying their best to look for her too."

"We know that you're worried like everyone else, but why can't you understand that?" Tsubasa said, looking at me as if he was searching for something. "Don't go out today."

"You're not the one controlling my body," I said before I walked out of the room. "Stop pestering me, shadow."

"Stubborn child."

-x-

No one would be able to understand the pain of losing the one you loved. They may have shared the same pain of losing a friend, but to me she was more than that. She was the sun in my dark world. She was the one who pulled me out of darkness, the one who showed me the light of the world, and the one who truly understood me the most.

She was annoying, noisy, dense, an idiot, and my Mikan. All of hers was mine. We swore under the moon. I made sure that she was mine when I gave her my alice stone. I promised.

"I heard that your woman died," I looked up at the man. Big and burly. "Sucks to be you."

The emotions I buried deep inside my heart welled up. I felt the power stirring in my blood. The voice in my head was telling me to kill and burn everyone. Ignore their pleas and just continue on with the mission.

I let out a ring of fire, trapping the men inside. They shrieked and tried using their alices but to no avail. Only one person could stop this fire. And that was her. I looked blankly ahead, watching as the fire slowly took their lives.

"Stop, Natsume," a voice called out my name. Who was it? "Don't kill them."

"Mikan," I whispered, recognizing that voice. I could only murmur her name. "Mikan."

"You're not born to kill people, Natsume," her voice was calm and still. "Calm down."

My body started shaking, from what, I did not know. The fire surrounding them died down and the place was once again black. The stirring inside my body was also gone; my eyesight was a little hazy though. I stared straight ahead, hoping that I would see Mikan's form in the still night, only to find myself being eaten by the darkness.

-xx-

"Good, you're awake," I heard Ruka saying beside me. I tilted my head and looked at him. "You're really reckless."

"What happened?" I asked, shifting my body.

"Tsubasa-senpai found you. He said you collapsed while the two of you were doing that mission. And…"

"Spit it out, Ruka."

"… he also found those nearly burned-to-death bodies. They're still alive but you gave them third degree burns."

"I… I lost myself and was planning to kill them, to really burn them to death, but…"

"But what?"

"… she stopped me. Mikan did. I heard her voice."

I stole a glance at his face to see his reaction. I sighed. He was shocked for a moment before he beamed. Sometimes I wondered if Ruka was bipolar.

"T-that's great, Natsume! Because of her, you stopped in time. She doesn't want you to taint your hands any longer."

"Yeah," I agreed with him, knowing that what he said was true. I closed my eyes. "I'm going to sleep."

"Rest well," he said before I heard the door clicked.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. I thought of that moment when I heard her voice. It was as if she was there with me, calming my senses down, and fighting alongside me.

_Where are you, Mikan?_

۞

"_Promise me that the connection between you and Mikan will not be interrupted by this."_

That was the promise I made with Imai, her best friend. It was before the war happened. The war between the academy and the ESP, and the sole reason why I lost her. It was a hard battle; we thought we had won, that everything would be fine from then on, but that bastard pulled another trick.

He made the ground crumble, made the ceiling collapsed, and made Mikan suffer. He was the root of all evils, using his power and his alice to control people, not caring about their feelings. He had wanted power for himself. I had heard of his acts and watched them with my own eyes.

I looked up at the sky, admiring the twinkling stars. It had been a year since that war happened; the peace in the academy would remain forever. A peace that was obtained by sacrificing a lot of things and one of them was life.

I leaned at the trunk of the cherry blossom tree, closing my eyes and quietly reminisced my memories with Mikan there. The cold wind blew but I didn't care. I felt as if the wind was whispering things that she would say to me, things that she didn't realize were silently comforting my heart, and things that would never be heard again.

I sighed and opened my eyes to look once more at the sky. A shooting star passed by and I remembered the silly legend about it. I never bothered with it before but something was urging me to make a wish and so I did.

_I want to see you._

I closed my eyes and resumed reminiscing. The day she got locked up inside the maze was also the day I started pushing myself too hard. I was determined to find her and found her I did. It was a short moment, a short blissful moment, but who knew that that moment was also the start of my torture.

A tugged in my chest stopped me from remembering. I allowed myself to be overridden by my emotions; for this tristful moment, I was alone. Everyone would decide to be by themselves because this day was the day she disappeared. A year without a single news about her, a year without a single progress on finding her, and a year full of lonely days.

I heard people calling my name. I wiped away the tears running down in my cheeks and composed myself. Soon enough, Ruka and Imai were both standing in front of me, panting.

"What happened?" I asked, looking at the two of them. Imai rarely showed her tears but she didn't look like she cared. "What's up?"

Ruka caught his breath before speaking. My eyes widened and I took off, the two following me. I knew where I should go: the HSP's office. I had to know if it was true or not.

Maybe I still had the chance to fulfill my promise.

"_We found Mikan."_

**End**

۞۞

Now, aren't I evil?

Until I decide to make a sequel, I'll leave the rest to your imagination. I never thought that writing this would be hard. -sigh- And yes, tristful is a word.

And if you're a little bit confused because of the changing time and scenes… here's a little something for you: everything inside the ۞blah…blah…۞ was in the past. Did you get it?

Hope you enjoyed reading! :)

_~Transient Tears ©_


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